the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
