mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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