So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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