have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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