So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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