So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
