Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
