I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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