She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
