Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
