My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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