I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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