oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
