I wish life had little blips of pornography
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize