I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize