Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
