It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize