Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
