dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
