I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
