i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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