from now on my penis is your penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
