well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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