nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
