If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
