You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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