I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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