I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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