Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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