I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize