dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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