dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
