If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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