I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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