You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize