there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
