This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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