Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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