Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
