We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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