So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
