You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize