Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
