Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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