I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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