He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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