You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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