i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
