this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
