i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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