the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize