just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
