I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
