I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
