I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
