yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
