I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
