So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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