I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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