ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drake has all the answers
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
