did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize