I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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