i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
