I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
