i permit you to call me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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