Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
