the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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