Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
