Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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