You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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