Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
