I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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