I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize