you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
