I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
