I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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