At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
