Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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