i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they're like a gay fantastic four
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
