get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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