I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
