Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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