i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
