Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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