The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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