I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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