i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
