not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
