There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
