I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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