Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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