I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
