Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
