I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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