Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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