Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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