I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I deserve this hangover.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
