That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
