i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
