the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
